In this post, I’m going to give you some powerful side effects of constantly practicing negative self talk.
It’s a bad habit and one that is very hard to break.
You have to basically catch yourself in the process of talking negatively about yourself and literally tell yourself to stop!
Negative Self Talk
I’ve always been one of those people who speaks negatively of myself.
Whether it’s my own internal negative self-talk, or externally to other people.
For some reason I have felt a strong pull in the “negative self-talk” direction.
The things that I believe serve me well from my negative self-talk?
It gets me out of complicated situations.
Uh, sorry, it’s too hard, so therefore I can’t do it. THE. END.
I gain pity from others.
The “woe is me” effect. Oh you poor thing! Let me coddle you!
I get extra attention.
Everybody look at me and console me! I’m special!
I make people laugh.
Let’s face it. Self-deprecating humor is pretty funny.
I’m relatable to others.
Oh wow! She feels that way too? I want to be HER friend!
In my mind, when I talk negatively about myself:
- I’ll have more friends
- I won’t have to do anything too hard
- I’ll be the funniest person in the room
- People will like me better
Nobody Benefits From Negative Self Talk
But in the end, who really benefits from negative self talk?
As I’ve gotten older and wiser, I’m finding out that NOBODY does.
The Effects of Negative Self Talk
I did a little online research on the effects of negative self-talk.
Among them?
- Stress
- Anxiety
- Panic Attacks
- Worry
- Fear
- Anger
- Disappointment
- Depression
- Lack of Energy
Sounds like a lot of fun huh?
I have experienced EVERY. SINGLE. ONE of these effects of negative self-talk throughout my life.
An Example of How Negative Self Talk is Bad For You
Something happened last week at the gym that resulted from my negative self talk.
It was Friday.
I was in a great mood because I had made it to all 3 days of workouts.
Friday’s class was particularly crowded and everybody was cutting up and having fun before our next phase of the workout.
Michael, the coach for our crossfit class, was doing his best to keep everybody engaged and focused on the task at hand.
He explained what we would be doing for our MetCon (Metabolic Conditioning): MANY front squats and burpees. Yikes!
If you know what a burpee is, you know that it ain’t easy and not particularly fun.
Michael asked if anybody had any questions.
I raised my hand and said ‘I can’t do burpees’.
Michael immediately said ‘That’s not a question’ and then looked away and said ‘Any questions?’
Negative Self Talk Can Cause Others To Disrespect You
I felt TOTALLY dissed.
How could he embarrass me like that in front of all these people?
Doesn’t he know that I already feel like the biggest girl in the room and that just being here is challenging enough?
Will he ever know what it feels like to be as overweight as I am?
Does he realize that if I attempt burpees, that I could hurt myself?
As we started our MetCon, Michael came up to me and demonstrated a modified version of a burpee that I could do.
I did it, along with the front squats over and over and over until the MetCon was finished.
I kicked ass.
It was a great workout, as usual.
But inside I was pissed.
I was on the verge of tears, with a big lump in my throat, but I held it in until I got in my car and drove away.
Then I let it all out.
The flood gates had opened and I couldn’t stop crying.
I immediately texted Michael and gave him a piece of my mind.
How dare he disrespect me like that in front of all those people?
I caught him off-guard and he didn’t understand what I was upset about.
After some lengthy back and forth explanations, all is well in Michael and Pammy-Land.
But I learned something from him AND from myself that day.
Some People Won’t Tolerate Your Negative Self Talk
Certain people won’t put up with my negative self talk.
My Dad has never put up with it.
My brothers don’t put up with it.
Michael won’t put up with it at the gym.
I’M not going to put up with it anymore either.
It’s a coping mechanism for me that hasn’t ever gotten me anything in my life except for negative emotional and physical side effects.
And you know what?
I CAN do freakin’ burpees.
Right now they’re modified, but in time I WILL do them just like everybody else can do them.
Yeah, I’m overweight and have struggles in my life.
But doesn’t everybody have their own struggles in some form or another?
EVERYBODY has issues they need to overcome.
EVERYBODY has their answers to the question of WHY they workout at the gym.
Be Deliberate with Your Inner Voice
From now on, I will be much more deliberate with my inner voice, as well as how I speak about myself to others.
It won’t be automatic.
It’s a lifelong habit that will take time to change.
But doesn’t anything worthwhile take time and effort?
There’s a book on Amazon called Negative Self Talk & How To Change It.
It’s a short and sweet book addressing this very topic.
If you’re having issues with negative self talk and want to change it, grab yourself a copy.
It’ll only set you back $4.99.
Michael couldn’t have said it any better than this in his text to Terri last week:
“You’ll have to cleanse your body of tension, anxiety, worry and doubt, you’ll have to free your mind of stagnant and defeating beliefs, and open your heart to a loving kindness that starts with loving yourself. What we do is not self-improvement. It’s self-discovery. You are already perfect. We have to strip away the layers of doubt and disbelief and clear the clouded mind and congested body to rediscover the gift that is our soul.”
I AM ALREADY PERFECT!
BOO-YA!!
What areas of YOUR life can you decrease negativity and increase the positive?
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This left me kind of speechless. I love Michael’s positive attitude; his comments were so down-to-earth!! I’m so glad you worked things out and feel better about yourself!!! As for John, I think he should go sky-diving!!!
I know Cheryl, he’s great! Isn’t John amazing?
Wow, another great post. I used to be so guilty of this habit, and on occasion I lapse, but for the most part I’ve learned to just stop it. It really is like shooting yourself in the foot. I can recall leaving the gym being angry, frustrated, on the verge of tears, etc. just like you described. It just part of the growing process, but certainly not an easy part.
Reading this I was taken back to when I surrounded myself with people who were in a negative space 99.9% of the time. I’ve moved on from most of those folks, but when I do encounter them these days I find that I have very little tolerance for it because their negativity puts me in a bad place. They don’t want help nor do they want to change they just want to wallow in misery. And I’ve been there, done that. You are exactly right, it’s about setting a standard for yourself and accepting nothing less.
When I first started training I vocalized, “I can’t” on numerous occasions and we promptly put in my place 🙂 Then I transitioned to just keeping it internalized….I thought “I can’t” but didn’t dare to say it out loud. That was eventually replace with vocalized “I’ll try, but”…..it’s taken almost five years to get to, “oh yes I will!”
I do a goals check-up about once a month…..I’ve been thinking it’s time to do something that really scares the BLEEP of of me! Not sure what that’s going to be, but I’m looking forward to whatever it turns out to be! And when I discover it…..I be proclaiming loud and proud…..”yes I can and will!”
PS….I can do burpees, but I still HATE THEM 🙂
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Thank you so much for your comment John! It always feels good to know that somebody else has the same feelings and has overcome them. I feel bad because I was so over-sensitive and I took it out on Michael. But I just need to move forward and learn from this.
He’s had plenty of experience dealing with me and others 🙂